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(Be an Outlaw)

Self explainitory [21 Apr 2005|01:56pm]
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(4 comments| Be an Outlaw)

Wish me luck [12 Feb 2005|11:11pm]
Well soon I shall be going out for my drivers licence it took fucking long enough but I just hope I do well, my mom says I have problems with keeping up speed and turnning. Hopefully my driver instructor...person....who says if I get my licence is nice and won't notice.

(Be an Outlaw)

Quiz time [17 Dec 2004|12:00pm]
Utena Tenjou
Which Bishoujo Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

(Be an Outlaw)

Quiz [07 Dec 2004|02:21am]
I mean did I REALLY need a quiz to tell me THIS

Hinata: You're Hyuga Hinata. A pretty good person
overall, however rather shy. People don't mind
being around you, but they probably wish you'd
stick up for yourself more. You probably have
your eye on someone special, but you're too shy
to tell them how you feel.

.:What character from Naruto are you?:. (20 results with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

(Be an Outlaw)

[29 Nov 2004|10:03am]
You Are Chichiri
You Are Chichiri

Fushigi Yuugi: Which Suzaku Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Once again I have a mask.

(Be an Outlaw)

[26 Nov 2004|06:16pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Water Sprite
Mysterious, elegant, creative and calm
You are a sprite of the Water. Creative and one of
the most beautiful of sprites, you strike
wonder and curiosity into the hearts and minds
of all. Even though you are capable of
attraction and seduction you are way above all
that, you understand the true meaning of life
and are very open and understanding of life's
mysteries, most likely you are one of them. You
are respectful of all ways of life and do not
judge one due to their position or station in
life. You are gifted in the ways of
understanding and given the chance are usually
full of good, wise advice but your not the type
to take the stand and express such things. Your
laid back nature can be troubling, you don't
take many risks and prefer to keep things as
they are. You are one of the most unique of

.::=What type of mythical Sprite are you?=::. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

I had that dream again, the same dream I had before...I know it has to be done but I'm even scared to go back to the dorm.

(Be an Outlaw)

Random [25 Nov 2004|01:52pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

This is a song I like and it a way it fits me, and just about any other girl out there. Its called Perfectly its about wanting to be perfect but not being able to so the person just has to deal.

I like who I am, but I guess you don't
I think that I can, but you think I won't
Amount to anything at all

If you love me you sure show it strange
Is there anything that you wouldn't change
I can't be your paper doll

I wanna be perfect, but I'm me
I wanna be flawless, but you see
Every little crack, every chip, every dent, every little mistake,yeah
I wanna be perfect, just like you
But there's only so much that a girl can do
When I look in the mirror what I see makes sense to me, yeah


I like worn out shoes, you like high heels
And fantasies, when I was real
I guess you could say the shoe don't fit

Maybe I'm from venus, you're from mars
My imperfections are what they are
I guess one of us must deal with it

I wanna be perfect, but I'm me
I wanna be flawless, but you see
Every little crack, every chip, every dent, every little mistake, yeah
I wanna be perfect, just like you
But there's only so much that a girl can do
When I look in the mirror what I see makes sense to me, yeah

Oh perfectly

I try to fit in the mold that you made
But I'm tired of playing this little charade

I wanna be perfect, but I'm me
I wanna be flawless, but you see
Every little crack, every chip, every dent, every little mistake, yeah
I wanna be perfect, just like you
But there's only so much that a girl can do
When I look in the mirror what I see makes sense to me

Ok besides that my grandmother is here for thanksgiving. -_- She has alzimers and she keeps talking about how big my breast have gotten. And she keeps watching my graduation video. Its almost time to go back to the dorms soon I'm so scared to...because that means I have to talk about my problems and thats not a good subject for me, I just can't talk about my issues.

(Be an Outlaw)

...Death... [23 Nov 2004|11:18pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

I don't understand why people think that...just telling me what to do can help. Yes I know I want to talk to Misty and Denne about the problem (and for the record I NEVER called them a bitch, when I did use the word bitch I was refering to the two bitch teachers that think and now act like I am a fucking retarded child) but I can't talk about my problems its very hard for me to because I hate to see faical ractions. When I was little I was always bitched at whenever I tried to talk about my problems no one actually thought I was saying anything important so they just ignored me and said I was just over dramazing. Thus so I delevoped a problem with speaking my mind face to face with some one, I basicly become mute when it comes to my problems and I keep them bottled up inside that normally ends in me feeling like the bad guy and thing bad and or suicidle or self-distuctive thoughts to releve myself of the pain of feeling the way I do. I become more and more trapped inside myself and build walls around the problem and hope that it will go away normally thehy don't and like an infested wound it starts to fester and get worse.

I just want to to say gomen nasai we need to find a way to talk about and not babble like an idiot...

Another up note, my Jonathan actually asked to marry not too long ago, my heart is still pounding and my cheeks still red from his propsal.

(Be an Outlaw)

Foolish [21 Nov 2004|06:37pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

This is more than likely stupid of me to write since I am sure I will get more greif over it than I already feel right now. First of all I hate one of my teachers and this little I guess councelor thing, they think I am like a retard because of my ADHD yes, I have had ADHD since I was six I am now eighteen and it has either gotten better, either way the shit the blame me for is nothing to do with my ADHD. Yes, I did read in class some times but thats because I get so fucking board and I try not to goto sleep. Now climbing under a table under a particular teacher's class is because its hard to go around because people are assholes and do not want to pull their fucking chairs in. I am not the only person who does that, two others do the same as I do and its not that frequent only when I come in slightly late but class has not yet started. Leaving during class its because I need to goto the bathroom because I eat lunch at 11 am and class starts at 12pm I doubt I will need to relaece myself before class starts. There was also one time where I missed an entire class that was let out early was because that day I was sick, my roomate, Misty, herself even said that I wasn't looking too well and she witnessed my sickness herself as I had to fight just to force myself to eat, so those bitches need to back off and leave me the fuck alone.

Another problem, is just that I don't think either Misty trusts me or just, I don't know, my parents would really like to meet her, but its like she never even thinks about ever coming to my house even though I have met her mom....meeting her dad is a no way in hell since her father is a racest ass hole and...well I'm kinda...sorta...little...lotta...you'd have to be blind not to beable to see I'm black so that would be a very bad thing and I do have permission to kill him so YAY! Anyways that makes me feel hurt and some what insulted in some sort of form I don't know if I should be or not I just do. So that also troubles me quiet a bit because I'd love for her to come over to spend the weekend, taste my mom's and my dad's foods.

The biggest problem is that I don't think anyone at that college is really my friend I feel like Jonni is the only one who really cares about me. I don't feel like my feelings, my likes matter like with costumings, as stupid as it sounds I really can't say I like someone and would like to cosplay them because someone else already is like, I can't cosplay as Jupiter of Sailor Moon who is my top favorite inner because a friend of Misty's and her sister is doing it. I can cosplay Saturn who is in a tie in my favorite with Pluto because Denne is doing her. I can't like or play Ren from DearS because well, Misty likes and wants to do her and when I try to talk about it I'm either ignored or just get superfisal answers like "The Look like such and so" or "I really like them" if we really wanted to get techecal I really couldn't play anyone because there is no such thing as a black female character in anime, they are just white with really dark tans. And if I do like someone no one else does I am knocked down with comments on how bad that particular person is or once again ignored. I'm not good in expressing my feelings to begin with so when I can I feel like I should just shut up because just like in high school I'm once again just the black girl. Thats all I ever am to anyone it seems, just the black girl, for some thats how I am discribed as, the black girl and its been making me more and more depressed dayly, I'm always having to just distancing myself from everyone, making my desires to cut rise slowly. I want to jump out of my dorm window and hopefully fall to my death. It makes me wish some times I didn't meet Misty, Anna or Denne, it makes me wish that I had staied in Albright and make no friends here whatso ever, it feels as if it would have been better to actually be alone because thats how I feel anyways now. As if I am alone. Its it makes me angry, feel hate and pain and angish all at the same time. Like I am screaming "Look at me, I like the same things, why don't my likes matter?" My cries and please fall on deaf ears. Always having to act like everythings alright because I'd just be thought of reading too much into things or just being a drama queen. But its none of myself or personal things or like are even heard anymore and...its like I can't do a damn thing about it. Things are always being shown off to me, look at this look what I got isn't it cute, that too drives me slightly batty but not too bad,its like I can't buy this but someone else can but I can display them so what so I can FEEL like I have them...it hurts so much I'm not even trusted around her computer or anything it drives me just...crazy almost to ending it all. I just don't understand, I know I will never truely be respected because I am black but I at least thought...I just don't know anymore I just wish I never left Albright.

On a slightly lighter note, I partied with my best friend, Dustin for his birthday. It was fun DDR and this cool racing games thats based of the manga Intial D. But I did so well on DDR and was doing very well on Sakura until after the frezee, after that it kinda went south for me but I was so proud of myself I was so happy. There were a few bad things that led me into a horrible breakdown but it was because my kyptonite was used and that always breaks me right there but Dustin told me the real story over Sushi and he was telling the truth so everything was good and fine, and that made me happy. Me, him Josh, Will and Ryana also went to see With Out a Paddle, at the $1.50 theatre wich is actually a VERY nice place. with great seats, the movie was soooooo funny we all had fun. It was truely a great day.

Happy Turkey day everyone. I will be updating best as I can.

(1 comment| Be an Outlaw)

I hate myself [04 Nov 2004|09:05am]
[ mood | stressed ]

This is the second goddamn mother fucking day in a row I have missed something for English, meaning I must have used up all my absences and its driving me insane. I hate myself more and more each time I miss a class and I know, no one ever reads my journals so I know no one gives a shit about what I have to say. I know one part of meaning in my life is to be with Jonathan, I love him, truely and I know he loves me and would do anything for me. I wish he would kill me right about now. I really hate this, the harder I try, it seems the worse I get. I want to fucking pass college and yet I keep trying harder and harder and I seem to fall faster and faster and I'm scared of whats going to happen to me if this keeps happening.

(Be an Outlaw)

I can do this [30 Oct 2004|10:41am]
[ mood | creative ]

I have good friends standing behind me even if I don't know it. I know college is hard and no one said it would be easy but...(excluding art) I think I can really get through this not with flying colors, but through it. As for my desire to be artistic...maybe I could be get better on my own, but with my drawing class...I still have several unfished peices that needs to be done on the big paper...and um...I haven't even touched my sketch book that needs smaller versions of the things we did in class....I think its that I'm scared they'll come out crappy there too, but with the end of frist semester and that being a good sum of my grade...I need to do it or else I'm kinda fucked three ways till sunday. That and I need to find a way to get my schoolerships for next semester and next year and the like....damn I am soooo fucked. But I can do this I know I can, I just need to set time aside just for my art class, even if it means few days of now games, the big sheets are not what I am majorly conserned about, I'll take a few minus points on that but I will do the sketch book completely with all the lessons I wrote down and hope that my teacher has mercy on my soul. I got a different quiz for now on in Chinese due to my horrible memorization of the words, I'm kinda glad because I know this will help me out alot so wish me luck there too. I'm feeling kinda artsy maybe if I try drawing right now, it might come out good.

(Be an Outlaw)

Yay [01 Oct 2004|08:48am]
PGSM Quiz Award from ::Sailor Dream:: at http://www.sailordream.com

Yay look at me ma

(Be an Outlaw)

I Told you I'd just be making comments and quizes [18 Sep 2004|11:52am]
[ mood | crappy ]

You represent... anger.
You represent... anger.
Mad at the world, eh? You have a tendency to...
freak out easily. Overly emotional about
everything, you're most prone to bouts of
cruelty and moodiness. Other people may be
afraid of the fact that you explode so easily,
but at least you're honest... even if you're
honest about not liking anything.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're a "Black Angel" which means your
an Angel of Death. You don't really care much
about people since no one was particularly nice
to you and now you want revenge for their
cruelty. You're always alone unless forced to
be with other people and you love to cause
trouble. You feel depressed a lot and don't
have something that could cheer you up like
most people. You don't find joy in people or
the arts or any item or some sort. You have
darker desires and you're very secretive. (If
you cannot see the picture, go to my homepage
and scroll down near the bottom. I have the
results from all my quizess that have pics)

What Color Angel Are You? (PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla

Your anime hair color is green.

What is your anime hair color?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Lost Soul
The Lost Soul

What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I also got that.

You're Element is Night. You're a bit of a loner
loner who is very creative but never show your
work to anyone. You may smile a little but
sadness or loneliness surround you and other
can feel it when they're near you. You have a
dark or unusual beauty that makes you
mysterious and you probably have a lot of
secrets that you've never told anyone. You're
beauty is intriging and unorthidox but the real
thing that makes you special is your eyes.
Something in them makes them like Diamonds in
the Rough. (please forgive me if you cannot see
the pics. If you go to my userpage then you can
see your result picture at the bottom)

What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla

See Jon, I am nothing but evil please run away.

You're Element is Water. You are soft and serene at
most times but like Wind, you're scary when
you're angry. You proabaly have a talent is
singing and even your speaking voice is lovely.
You have an innocent type of beauty that makes
you look younger than you are and you like
close relationships with people. (please
forgive me if you cannot see the pics. If you
go to my userpage then you can see your result
picture at the bottom)

What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla

My second Try on this quiz both are very me.

You're A Neko (Cat)!
Meow! You love acting like a cat, because you ARE
part cat! How did this come to be? I have no
idea! But yay for you! You're playful and
happy. You love being spoiled and pampered,
but you have a vicious side too.

What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

As I had always known

Kitty Goth
Kitty Goth

What Kind of Goth Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

So thats what type I am.

You have an animal soul! Arent you lucky! You are
very interactive with animals and can
understand them even if you dont speak their
tongue. The birds arent afraid of you, deer can
eat out of your palm, and every dog will roll
over for you. As an Animal Soul, you follow
your instinct, sometimes making rash decisions,
and not thinking properly. If you dont
understand something, you reject and push it
away, and can get very disastrous when angry.
At the same time, youre a very kind person who
can make people feel better, and are
understanding and compassionate. One of the
great things about you is that your rarely
jealous, and know that you have to share and
help other people if you want to survive this
world. You are very loyal and optimistic, and
can make it through the toughest times.

What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

Its true.

Long-wang ~ The Dragon
You are Long-wang!

Mythological Background: Yes, the dragon represents
everything you think of when you think of a
dragon - fearsome and invincible. Also, it is
greatly respected just because of that fact.
The dragon has a very protective aspect to it.
Even Jupiter reminds you of intense smashing
power. The dragon is almost always surrounded
by rain-bearing clouds and fog; and the
appearance of its constellation always signals
rainfall and lightning. It's also a symbol of
authority worn by the nobility and the imperial
class. Japanese Name: Seiryuu.

Which Chinese Mythological Being Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I thought I'd get Suzaku but I also love Seiryuu.

Congratulations you have achieved level 4 witch
status... you have studied hard and learned

What Level of Witch are you
brought to you by Quizilla

Woot perfect score.

I may post more later.

(Be an Outlaw)

You know what I'm just gonna post quizes today [18 Sep 2004|10:05am]

Which Kingdom Hearts Character are You Most Like?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm also starting to feel very depressed down and sad. I feel like screaming and ending it all. I feel as if I'm going crazy...I guess it has to do with school stress and I suck at doing work alone. Jonnu-koi and Bunnychan are the ones who normal help me stay on track. I've also been feeling VERY sick I feel like cutting but I wanna be a good girl for Jonnu and myself. So I will be a good girl. Sorry I didn't post these quizes for the 2 people who actually read my Dead Journal. *sigh* These are the moments I don't like being at home but oh well. life sucks then you die. Sean I'm also sorry I forgot FLCL at the dorm I'll be giving it to my parents when I get back and you can just stop by the house to pick them up.

(Be an Outlaw)

[18 Sep 2004|09:28am]
You're Eiri Yuki!!! You might have the personality
of a mean person insdie, but you make an
exception for one person in your life. With
your blond hair and hazels eyes can make anyone
fall in love with you but you have found him
already and his name is Shuichi.

Which Yaoi Character from Gravitation are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

As it should be I'm evil and ice cold even as a man

(Be an Outlaw)

[18 Sep 2004|09:01am]
[ mood | crazy ]

I am the greast of all time. I told you guys I was evil all along

What Kind of Kingdom Hearts Character Are You?
Full Name
Your Keyblade is: DivineRose
Your Clothing Theme is: Atlantica Merperson
Side you are on: Pretending to be good - but really evil
Which Disney Character is in Your Party: Mickey Mouse
Final Fantasy Character in Your Party: Cloud from FF7
This quiz by DarkStri - Taken 619 Times.
New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology and Horoscopes

Which Kingdom Hearts Character would fall in love with you?
Favourite Color
He/She will be Jack Skellington
They Will prove their love to you by Burning you in flames
You will spend the rest of your lives together in Deep Jungle
This cool quiz by lpnfinalfantasy - Taken 532 Times.
New! Get Free Daily Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

Damn it so much I have to do and so little time though. I HATE COLLEGE IT SUCKS MONKEY BALLS

(2 comments| Be an Outlaw)

... [10 Sep 2004|05:42pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

The cute people get the attention of all the girls or guys. The dark goth people have the ones who want to know more about them change them. Where does that leave people like us? The "Freaks" we are left alone...we are the ones blamed for everything and the frist to be introuble...no one wonders about us...no one cares for us.

(Be an Outlaw)

SHITTY SHIT SHIT [10 Sep 2004|03:43pm]
To know exactly HOW bad this day away look at bunnychan's LJ at bunnychan

(1 comment| Be an Outlaw)

W00T [08 Sep 2004|07:12pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Supreme Seme
What Yaoi Stereotype Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla


(Be an Outlaw)

Over [25 Aug 2004|09:11am]
[ mood | busy ]

Well the summer camp type life style is over with and now we get down to school work life....horray.....no not really happy about that. But anyways Sean came over the other day, much fun. Yestersay I needed to shot from the nurse...THEY ITCH! Today I start class, 3 classes today AND My frist class isn't until 12pm so woot a l337 shitnessaties.

I miss my Jonny and I want him here NOW damn it. So I can hold him close and love him until he dies....mwahahahahahahahahaha...yeah I'm crazy, thanks for noticing.

Thats all for now I shall report about my classes tonight after I have finished with them...until then Love Peace and Anime. Ja ne.

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